IF HER PERSONAL AD SAYS… IT REALLY MEANS:

30-ish - 39
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No breasts
Average looking - Moooo
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free Spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former Slut
New-Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned - No BJ’s
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and embarrassing
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very fat
Large frame - Hugely fat
Wants soul mate - Stalker